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WARNING: this text should NOT be read by persons of the female gender. If you are one, it might give you faulty ideas…

Campaign to stop abuse against women by the South African Salvation Army

Maybe I am not the ideal first-hand witness (nor victim) to talk about violence against women. But life gave me ears and eyes, and certain situations in the past unfortunately made me witness this behavior. Over and over again…

When I talk about ‘violence against women’ I have no exclusives. Everything that harms another person just because she is a woman and thus perceived as being weak, inferior, even stupid by the perpetrator(s), is violence against women. Non-verbal and verbal communication, the use of physical force, and even just the thought that women are inferior are for me different forms of that violence, and they harm women more than anything else. They certainly do no justice to the female life-form..

Before you start to perceive me as a saint, I can assure you I am not. I have been rude against women. I have quarreled with women. Once in my life I kind of hit a woman, and even though I have to tell you this happened after she hit me more than twenty times, and it was more like pushing her away to protect myself (she was physically unharmed), I am not very proud of it even now twenty years later. But I can assure you I never ever tried to harm another by my behavior because that person was a woman. It was just because I had a conflict with that person, indifferent of gender.

Stuck by my traditional upbringing, I also have to concede I do not perform as many house chores as my partner does. And yes, it is very weak and cowardly of my to hide behind my education. I try my best, but probably due to a limited mind I do not discern ‘chores-to-do’ in the house so easily without female input. And thus I fail. Women have these bionic eyes where they can detect dust from 20 meters, have a bionic nose where they can smell micro-particles emitted by a pair of socks forgotten in another room, and have a bionic brain keeping track of the whole to-do-list of what we never seem to be informed. I do offer my help sometimes when I see my girlfriend working in our house, but often she bluntly refuses. This already led to a few discussions. Her main reasons for doing this – maybe this might sound familiar to some – are: she thinks she can do it better and faster, she does not want to bother me, she just wants me to relax, etc… Needless to say it often makes me feel worthless, but I have to admit that on the upside I do feel happy to be exempted thanks to my big handicap by being male 😊

AdamAndEve antonio molinari

Adam and Eve (Antonio Molinari)

But before starting another row between couples about who’s doing more than the other in the household, I wanted to talk about women and the violence they are often confronted with. I will not draw up a list of these endless violations, but what really interests me are the unclear reasons why men do this? Not: SOME men, but MANY men, even if I think – or hope – they don’t constitute the majority of manhood. If you look around, if you listen well, you can see almost daily examples of the degradation of women. Men yelling at their wives or girlfriends, men talking in a degrading was about their partner, men assuming the lead without much equal say from the partner, men beating their companion, men violating women, etc…

Notice: from now on I will often talk about ‘men’ and ‘women’, but this is a generalization that does not completely reflect reality. Of course there are many exceptions to the rule: some women are stronger than a lot of men, some women have earned a greater fortune than many men, some women beat men, some men really are more intelligent than women, etc.. So please forgive me if I talk in general terms without stipulating this every time.

What gave us, men, the right to look down upon women? Except for the fact that, in general, men are physically stronger, we have not received such a good score during the evolution of mankind. But I already have to contradict myself. In fact women are physically stronger than the average man. When ill many men are helpless, need a lot af attention, act childish or behave like they are on the verge of dying, while most women just carry on caring for the children, cooking, cleaning, going to the grocery store. They just do it, without complaining much.

The Mother Goddess

Women also procreate. Ah yes, we men are still needed to inject our seed between a woman’s legs, just like the bees or the wind are needed to carry the pollen from one flower to another, nothing more. But in the end, it is they who carry the fruit within them and let it grow, without us men having to do anything with that. They are the true bringer of life. Is that not something to be highly respected for?

I might say women are more intelligent than we are. Yes yes, it is true they do not score higher than we do on intelligence tests. Nor do men score higher than they do. And okay, sometimes, for us, men, it seems like all logic is lost when we observe a woman doing stuff 😜 But in the end, they manage to bring those tasks to a satisfactory end, so maybe it would be logical to assume that other logics, incomprehensible to our male logic, exist and do work? Even if we sometimes might smirk at their way of thinking and doing, just accept it and let it make you happy, for they managed – again – to put a smile on our face. And maybe it is us being stupid not wanting to comprehend that other logics exist and are as valuable as our ‘male logic’? Beside their funny way of thinking, they have really performing multiple-core processors. Men just have one processor, with one core. That means: one task at a time. ‘Don’t disturb me because I am busy with something’, is not a phrase we hear a lot from women. They cook while calling on the phone, and in the meantime they keep an eye on the kids while composing in their mind the shopping list of items they must not forget to buy the next day. Not many man, however intelligent, manage to perform this complex multi-core tasks at the same time.

Romantic - Sharon

Sharon ©Yann Bastiaans

Is there any man who believes he ever seduced a woman? Of course, there are vast numbers of men led to believe by their woman that they have succeeded in seducing her. Women let men do all those stupid things to get their attention, but this is just a façade. Most of the time they already made a choice. They are just allowing us men to hang around and make fools of ourselves. They decide who, when and where, and we can just hope we will be the chosen one and by lack of peacock feathers we try to show off with the most stupid things like our car, our wallet, gibberish talk, our nice clothes or our moves. But believe me: if two friends walk into a bar, and see two women they are interested in, and agree that ‘I’ll get the blonde and you the brunette’, but the ladies decided it to be the other way round.. not much chance those men are going to change it! Who is the superior race again?

And I might go on with examples where woman have the upper hand over men. They have more compassion, they have a greater emotional intelligence, they are less prone to addictions, they are the better in communication skills, etc.. This is not a call for women to take up arms and revolt, and dominate men all over the globe. But what I tried to tell is that women deserve much more respect from men than they have now. They should be treated more gently, as equals. Of course we men must keep all those facts I enumerated above secret, and never ever tell women for they actually might revolt 😉 But the least we can do is appreciate them for who they are, for what they can do, for their talents.

And stop this violence just ‘because it’s a woman’.

Love, Yann ❤️